Many times we spend hours and hours dwelling and ruminating on the negative and fearful things in our lives. Instead, our focus and attention needs to be on the positive, the good, and on thoughts that will move us in the right direction. Read one of these statements to yourself every day -- and dwell on it.
If you pay attention to the darkness, you'll never find the light.
If you study and relive your past experiences, analyzing them, and "getting in touch with your feelings" you will only reinforce those feelings. If you want to get away from a problem, you should not focus on it. Focus on the good, the positive, the beautiful, the nice.
A happy person is fully caught up in the moment --and is not thinking about the past or the future.
Too much thinking and analyzing just makes any problem worse. Today is a wonderful day – live it in the present.
Why do little children think ghosts, goblins, and monsters are real? As adults, we know they aren’t. Your thoughts aren’t "real" either in the sense that you "create" and reinforce them -- and the emotions that go along with them. Your thoughts are only what you decide to believe in and continually reinforce in your mind. (This one is deep – think about this one.)
For example, you are sitting alone in the dark in your home. You are down, depressed and thinking negative thoughts. All of a sudden the phone rings and it’s a friend you haven’t talked to in six years. You become alert, your mood picks up, and you have a nice conversation. Then, after you’ve hung up, you get blue again and fall back into a depressed mood. Why?
Suggestion: Even though we don’t feel it – we have more power over our thoughts than we think. We can decide to stay "up" after the phone call by doing everything we can to keep from slipping back into the quicksand of rumination and despair. (Cognitive-behavioral therapy gives us the tools to move away from anxiety and depression – and eventually to stay or "be" that way.)
If your thoughts begin to change, you will feel better.
If you act despite your feelings, your beliefs and emotions will follow behind.
There is so much in life I can’t control. But this is my life and I’ve decided to be happy. I can choose to be happy regardless of my other circumstances. It’s not "when I get a promotion, I’ll be happy....." or "when I can speak in front of a small group of people, I’ll be happy....." The focus should be on learning to be happy now. Tap into your inner peace and contentment in the way that works best for you.
Happiness is a result of a decision to be happy.
Your emotions and feelings are created by your thoughts.
Unhappiness cannot exist on its own. It occurs because of thoughts, which can be changed.
Your past thoughts are about events that are no longer real. That bad experience happened yesterday (in the past) and is over. It is gone and exists solely in your mind. Today is a new day, a better day, and worrying about the past just dooms us in the present. It’s how you process it now that makes a difference.
You are a thought-producing machine. When you realize this, you can begin to slow your thoughts down and allow your anxieties and fears to rest.
Your automatic negative thoughts (ANTs) are only thoughts: they are not real. Your ANTS are not real. They do not tell you the truth.
Our tendency is to think TOO MUCH and to paralyze ourselves with our ruminations. We have a choice: Realize what we're doing to ourselves, get up, find a distraction, and do something interesting (positive).
Happy people understand that to enjoy life you live it -- you don’t think about it.
Watch a roomful of preschool children. They are enjoying life because they are focused on the moment and are not thinking about it. They are immersed and absorbed in living.
Analysis creates paralysis.
Anticipatory anxiety killing you? Stop thinking about it, take that step, and just do it.
Thoughts grow with attention. If you focus on negative thoughts, they will grow and grow and become larger. If you focus on your progress and the new thoughts you are learning, they will grow stronger and take "automatic" control.
Identify negative thoughts
Keep a logbook. Jot down your thoughts. Write down happenings of the day. Were they positive, appropriate and adequate or were they confused, superfluous and negative? Could you notice the interval between the happening and your response? If yes, could your foresee your negative thoughts? If not, what can, you do to notice this interval? Was there any discrepancy between words and thoughts? If yes, was it justified—could you find a better way of harmonizing your words and thoughts? Was the verbal response necessary, appropriate and adequate?
Sometimes we talk to others, or simply to ourselves, or think about something just like that. Ask yourself what provoked you to take the initiative to start a conversation. Was it essential? What was the purpose? Did it serve the purpose? If no, then why not? Did it use any unnecessary and emotionally charged negative words? Were the words used in thinking, inner dialogue or in talking to the other person, precise, appropriate, adequate and positive? Did you feel happy or satisfied after the interaction with the other person or with your inner self? Can you find ways of improving your performance as a thinker or a speaker?
Keep in mind that logbooks are meant to get you started and make you aware of your negative thoughts. It is far more important, however, to be aware of these thoughts when they are just taking birth, rather than leave them for later analysis.
Be conscious of the interval that separates the event from thoughts with which you respond to the event.
Replace with positive thoughts
A vital step in this process is the immediate replacement of all negative thoughts by the positive ones. The shorter the interval between the disinfecting and the replacing stage, the better it is. Longer intervals between these two events weaken the impact of the positive thoughts. Our success and happiness depend on identifying our goals precisely and chasing them effectively, both of which, in turn, depend on how well we manage our thoughts. The quality of our thoughts decides the quality of the outcomes we land up with. Thoughts have the power to materialize themselves because they are instrumental in channeling energy towards the physical or mental condition they are about.
External situations and the remarks of others can harm us through our thoughts—but only to the extent our thoughts allow them to. So think positive. Talk positive. Read positive quotable quotes of great people. Surround yourself with posters and cards bearing positive messages. Keep them on your table. Hang them on the walls. Paste them near the bathroom mirror and on the doors. Stick them on your watchstrap. Keep them on the refrigerator. Have them on the dashboard of the car. Slip them under the glass of the table in front of you. Slide them in the inner side of the briefcase you carry. Find other suitable places where you are bound to look at them every day.
Remember that these messages will stale with prolonged use. So keep changing their position and contents. Do not let the momentum of these thoughts get weaker.
Use them appropriately in response to specific negative thoughts. The replacing thought must be positive in every sense. Apart from being inspiring and assuring, it should also be suggestive. For example, if you confront a negative thought, "I can never succeed", it will not suffice if you replace it with "Sun! Attack! I can succeed". This kind of replacement may not be effective, for it sounds like wishful thinking and lacks assurance, depth and penetrating certainty. It is better to break your replacing thought down into more definite and specific steps or instructions.
The replacing thought in this case may be: "I can succeed. By earlier failures I have become rich in experience and have come to know specific areas that require special attention. I will jot them down and systematically think of the ways in which I can improve. I shall plan. And then stick to it. There is absolutely no reason why I should not succeed. I will assess, plan, execute, monitor, modify and carryon with the plan, and finally succeed. In fact, I think that success has already been achieved and only time separates my thought of success and its transformation into reality. I am committing myself to all that is required to achieve success. I am a river that knows no obstacles. I shall find my way anyhow—and if there is none I shall make one."
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